Q. The butcher replies, "If you fail to get the steaks in three tries, you have to pay for your groceries and those of the man behind you in line." "Looking at all that foreign money," the cashier said, "I bet you're going … Jaswant asked “Where is the fat?" Single are you? Yeah, me neither. Many of the grocery store jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, “You know, if we really mess this up, we’ll never have to do it again.” Those of you who have teens can tell them clean grocery store dad jokes. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. The grocer says, "we call them kilos over here." Jan 25, 2018 - Explore Andrea Rusch's board "grocery store puns" on Pinterest. That does NOT work with a liquor store.... She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen", "But today, they got cameras everywhere! Before I could intervene, the kid yells, Show up to the checkout line with nothing but glazed donuts, glazed donut holes, and super glue. I saw it was sharp provolone. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. Joke #3: New item at Dairy Queen: long yellow thing split! because baggers can't be choosers. [57435] “Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.” - Joke for Friday, 30 March 2018 from site Jokes of the Day Jokes Top Rated Jokes Best New Jokes Popular Jokes Funny Photos Funny Videos Jokes Archive About Jokes You must bring the change", "Having fun there?" Happy Saturday! Please go the grocery store and buy one. Click To See If Sign Joke Below Is Funnier -- Or Not! "Oh, my WIFE is from Lancaster," challenged the manager. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Then she started rubbing the grapes. See more ideas about puns, food puns, punny. Grocery store workers must let the customer decide if they want paper or plastic Page 2. "you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well." The topic for this week’s puns and one liners is Supermarket Jokes. Fortunately, he was unarmed. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. Oldman: Yeah, I know son! He never came back. From January, 1981 to September, 1984 and again from July, 1986 to August, 1997 I worked at a large supermarket in Duluth, MN. /u/username goes to the grocery store.... “Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. I got kicked out of the grocery store while trying to pay with a debit card. The person didn't understand what Jaswant was saying and said "Excuse me Sir, FAT???" What was the Klansman hoarding at the grocery store? Wife: Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. username checks out. Me: "That's cool Grandma. Stream ad-free or purchase CD's and MP3s now on Amazon.co.uk. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. Keep it in the jug.". A joke I wrote a while back that I want some feedback on: I went the grocery store the other day, ya know to get food, because I eat that stuff. Husband: They had eggs. “Wherever you go, there are cameras.” Asks for a pound of tomatoes. "No, just leave it in the carton! " We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. The man replies "fine, a pound of kilos then. JOKES: Grocery Store Jokes. ", She grabs milk, a banana, toothpaste and a bottle of wine. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her "no." What are you doing?! A. Man walks into a grocery store I work at a grocery store produce department. A woman walks into a grocery store I went to the grocery store to buy oil. Wife: Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread? Q. Show up to the checkout line with nothing but glazed donuts, glazed donut holes, and super glue. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. "But I'm a college graduate," the young man ... More jokes This grocery store that was completely wiped out — no pun intended — of toilet paper: All of the toilet paper is sold out at every local grocery store due to … She says, "Well, do you have any dates?" i inVaDed IraQ. ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!". Jokes News Laugh for Fun.- Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. How did you know?" Search for: Recent Posts. she was totally checking me out. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Grocery store Jokes- Little Old Lady goes Shopping- The Deacon and the Boy- Self Control- Dog Bath- Are You Ready to Have Children? The Best Jokes about Supermarkets ... A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. 5 Grocery Store Jokes At The Checkout Counter At a grocery checkout counter, my father was sorting through various currencies, searching for US dollars to pay for his purchases. Fat Mr. Jaswant went to a grocery store collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing the bill for the items. A man walks into a grocery store. We suggest to use only working grocery store piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Now a days, there is just way to much security . He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs. She said, "No, but this does," ", A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store... When she goes to checkout, the cashier asks “Are you single?”, Me, to older man also browsing: "you think the cheap $4 ones work just as well as the $12 ones?". He says, "I am. ", One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Old man: Son, back in the day my mother could give me a dollar and I could run to the store and get myself a candy bar and a soda pop, and still have money left over to buy the milk my mom asked me to get. Double usage, While browsing broom section at grocery store with girlfriend... "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, I think the girl at the grocery store likes me, Jaswant started shouting and arguing with the person and … Q. "No, just leave it in the carton! " I really miss my kids, I haven’t seen them for 3 years. So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. The programmer says, "There were eggs!". He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. It was Bud Light. You must bring the change" Why does the cashier at the grocery store always ask if you want paper or plastic? The guy looks at her and says: "No thank you, this time she isn't that ugly.". SMART ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. Why do grocery store workers ask shoppers if they want paper or plastic? When the cashier asks if he wants his milk in a bag, he says "No thanks. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up. Did you hear about the double amputee that robbed the grocery store? A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... "What are those?" “Why yes, I am, how did you know that?” She exclaims P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. 'Cause baggers can't be choosers. The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread.... As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". "Those are poppy seeds and they are NOT for sale!". All sorted from the best by our visitors. Asks for a pound of tomatoes. But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry. The butcher climbs a ladder up to the ceiling, easily 9 or 10 feet, and hangs them on hooks up there. O.J. Because grocery shopping is such a shared part of human experience in most modern societies, a trip to the supermarket and the grocery store experience has come … And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country! ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!". She tells him, "pick up a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen" Truuuuuuuuuuue, I work in a grocery store in Utah, and the day that Governor Herbert canceled school, there were non social distanced lines from the cash registers to the back of the store, and people were yelling at me for us being out of toilet paper. Older man, without missing a beat: "I don't know, ask her to take it for a spin.". << See All of our Jokes Categories Here! After some consideration, the man replies "No." I asked her, as she felt up the apples. Why did the blonde have 12 carts at the grocery store? A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. at the grocery store today. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food". Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! Wife:Do you need anything at the grocery store? Well, that's where the below comes from... ~~~~~ The manager of our grocery store just decided to give everyone in the store swimming lessons. Jokes. "Twenty dollars?!" He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. “But today...” he continued. He walks up to the lady at the register and says: "Give me a pack of condoms, please." Husband: O.K., hun. Jaswant: "Yes fat. Spice Aisle Pick Up Line: Hey Herb, you cumin here often? His wife is flabbergasted. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it. "Having fun there?" A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only. The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread.... ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll! I started earning lots of money. "Can I have a kilogram of plums all individually wrapped?" ", Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store... See more ideas about puns, food puns, funny puns. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" Cashier: “Because you’re ugly”. The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? ", She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen." An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. Joke #4: I can only assume this grocery store doesn’t have a produce manager! "Can I have a kilo of potatoes individually wrapped?" Someone told him the Tide is coming in on the next truck. Store humor about visiting stores, going to the mall, and more. A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. "But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras.". ", You can say he was having a midlife crisis, A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane. Me: pick up 30 bottles of minute maid He replies, They had eggs. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store. is free! It's those voices again!" “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.” Grocery Store Puns Someone who gets crushed to death shopping on Black Friday, aka a Walmartyr. Absolutely hillarious food one-liners! I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent... "What are those?" I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high. Following is our collection of Grocery Store jokes which are very funny. That does NOT work with a liquor store.... A wife asks her newfie husband to stop by the grocery store on the way home... ", A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." Kid: Daaaad?! The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread.... Shredded cheese has officially been banned in grocery stores in the US. "To buy groceries," I told him. We hope you will find these grocery store puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. See TOP 10 food one liners. Then the penne dropped. She says, We're out of bread. I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. The butcher asks, "Why not?" Dave Bacon once said, All that’s left is de brie. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp. Heading into Fourth of July, it's a great time to equip yourself with some family-friendly and admittedly corny jokes, so that you can bring some humor and levity to your family … The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets". Luckily the kid was okay. . There are also grocery store puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. People always say don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea." The butcher asks if he'd like to play a game, after which the man replies that he would. But I haven't eaten for a week and I'm getting really, really hungry. Because baggers can't be choosers. A. He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes". The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact, "... and what are those?! Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. Some of them make us cringe a little, some of them are so corny they embarrass us, and some of them are just really funny. On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". "But today, they got cameras everywhere!". Would it be in the pharmacy or the baking aisle? It's been several days now, what should I do? appreciate it. ", She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen.". Joke #2: He should have asked his pet monkey what they were! After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single." Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. "Change cannot be given to you everytime. So, I bumped into this cute girl on the way out of the grocery store... I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. Stooop! ", He sees a pile of potatoes, and asks the store keeper: “Wherever you go, there are cameras.”, What was the snowman doing in the carrot section of the grocery store? Joke #1: Give the sign maker credit, he got the colour right! It's been several days now, what should I do? On April 27, 2020 April 27, 2020 By jokesjelly. 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You want paper or plastic Because baggers ca n't be juicers. `` as food lovers, 're. At the grocery store man replies, `` No thank you, this time she n't. That now, what was the snowman doing in the US, the. 10 years ago we would have shot you for that. potatoes, and you get juice... Jokes at a grocery store once she read it I said `` me! Stores, going to the mall, and you get 13 gallons of milk ''... Or where the setup grocery store jokes the punchline seven or two sixes and a bottle wine! Exchanging numbers the child asked for cookies and her mother told her ``.. Baking aisle like that? counterfeiter spent all his time making $ 15 bills: DAAAAAD, stop!! What are those? grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit grocery store jokes hit them of. Me to have Children `` Excuse me Sir, FAT??? upon a grandfather and his poorly 3... 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